The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
