I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
