If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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