I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
being pregnant is like rehab
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
