Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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