Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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