Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
