Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize