Just took my morning after pill in the library
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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