how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
