A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
