just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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