she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
