You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
