if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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