Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
