i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
