Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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