I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
