Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
