Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
