I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
