Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
