I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I could make wine with my vomit
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize