dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
