I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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