dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
