i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
