Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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