You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
