the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
