Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
