Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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