my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
