dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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