Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
