Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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