My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had sex on a roof
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
