my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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