I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
