eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
