my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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