"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
