Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
