I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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