Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
