so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
