Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize