hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
