its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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