this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
