Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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