google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
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