Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
