One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
