A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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