Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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