she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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