I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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