im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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