You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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