Swine flu. Run for my life!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
