Did you just see the Batmobile???
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
