bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
