well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
