Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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