mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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