Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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