sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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