Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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