Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
